Aug. 30th, 2011

I was waiting to board a flight, but there was an unexplained delay. The counter was unmanned, and I had a great temptation to announce "boarding has been delayed due to the absence of the FAA-required screaming baby. A baby has been sent for, and boarding will commence when it arrives." I really wish I had, because a few minutes later, someone showed up with a screaming baby in a stroller, and we boarded soon thereafter.
When I was a teenager, my dad would get frustrated and make various empty threats. We grew tired of this. One time, while working on his car, he stomped in to announce he was going to throw a match in the gas tank. I told him to wait, and came back a few minutes later with a pair of plastic 35mm film canisters. I explained "pour the contents of one into the other, shake, and snap on the lid. Drop it in the gas tank and get away. You'll have about thirty seconds."

My dad was horrified. However, he never made that particular threat again when I was around.

My mom and I came out to our car one time, to find it completely blocked in by other cars. She was pretty unhappy about this, but realized that it would be possible to get the car out by driving over the low curb. She had me do this, presumably because she imagined I'd have better luck doing nonstandard things with cars. When we had it free, she didn't get in the car, but stood there with a peculiar look on her face.

"Open the trunk," she asked me, grinning maliciously. We then proceeded to take the spare tire out, dip it in a nearby mud puddle, and roll it over the offending car twice, leaving muddy tracks. "Let 'em figure THAT out", she exclaimed as we stowed the tire and drove away. My mom is normally quiet and polite, but every so often something drives her to show another side of her personality.

Some acquaintences of mine chose to get married at a science fiction convention, out by the pool. While it was a nice setting, and many of their friends were there, the acoustics were sub-optimal. I couldn't hear any of the ceremony itself, just the kids playing in the pool. The one line that stands out in my mind is "you push and I'll steer!" Not a bad way to run a marriage, I suppose.
I was at a science fiction convention with Karen, whom I was dating at the time. I wanted to go hang out in the con suite, but she wanted to go shopping in the dealers' room. I got out my wallet, and peeled off some twenties to hand to her, and one girl nearby saw this and exclaimed "wow, I wish I was your girlfriend!" I turned around and recognized her as someone who'd blown me off in the past. Quoting Lord Scrumptious in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I announced "Had your chance, muffed it!"

That felt good.

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